R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

A lesson that I've learned in love came from the world's wisest man alive... my father.

Ladies, when it comes to loving a man there is one thing that you must understand. It's all good and dandy to feed him, spend time with him, whisper sweet things in his ear and "love him"... but without RESPECT you will not have a long lasting relationship.

Women want and long for love,
men are prideful beings... RESPECT them.

I always had an issue with that unfortunate verse in the bible where it says : "Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord..." Ephesians 5:25-26. I always remember the day when I first read that verse because I got kicked out of Sunday school that day. Who would've guessed that I was the Pastor's daughter? The minister was not focusing on that one line that I had immediately memorized and sworn to white-out of my future husbands bible, yet I made a huge fuss and began a fight with one of my male friends. 'Clearly,' I thought, 'God didn't get this one right.' I remember saying: "It's the 21st century, not the 50's." Yea... I was an angel.

At a young age, I was the brat of the house, my father's baby girl, and I generally said what I felt. Until I started dating did I find that the way I spoke to men (as if they were my slaves) ruined my relationships.

Try it out: If you begin to show the utmost respect to your man, you will reap the benefits. Don't be his slaves, but try these tactics.

• 1. Don't fight in public. Even if you get in a disagreement outside of your home wait until you are alone to address it.



• 2. Don't embarrass him. Don't call him "teddy bear" or any other cute name in public. Don't force him to say "I love you" when you know he's around his friends.



• 3. Ask him input when you are making decisions for yourself or the two of you. This will let him know you care what he thinks.



• 4. Don't call him stupid, dumb, annoying, N-word, idiot, etc. Although some men tolerate it, it is not acceptable. Don't call him any other name but nicknames and whatever is on his birth certificate. Believe me, if you're speaking to him any ol' way around his friends, they're asking him "Why do you let her talk to you like that?"



• 5. Don't boss him around.
  

Remember how they've always taught us that "you can judge how a man will treat you by how he treats his mother?" That doesn't apply to women. I know for myself, I treat my father as if he is a king (because he is), but when it came to the other men in my life it did not apply. That mindset is wrong. So... women, respect your men. Treat and speak to them like they are (not Kings unless there's a ring involved) ... let's say a Prince.

Good luck and God bless. Happiness and uh... Love?

_Coco Elle_

Where'd he go?

To all my ladies out there who are clingers... you love your boyfriend, he's your "world," if you could you'd spend every minute of your day with him (minus your toilet sessions) you would, and he's met your fam and friends. Here are a few tips on how to cut back before you unintentionally push him away.

By the way ladies: Even if he doesn't complain to you, you don't know what he's telling his friends or exactly what he's feeling (he may not complain to you just yet because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings). And you don't want to ever become the girl that calls her man over and over if he doesn't answer. That's what we call harassing, and that’s what I call crazy!

1. Make time for yourself. Having a designated time for yourself will give you sometime to 'discover yourself' (I hate clichés... I apologize). Hang out with friends, read a book, do something other than think of him. Unless you have a wedding band on your finger, he is not your life!

2. Get a hobby. Apparently you were doing something before you got into this relationship. You had a life, your own set of friends, your own schedule and plans. Keep them! Aside from the casual dating and excess partying that you may have stopped or put on hold, continue to do the things you were doing before this man. When he's not around you don't want to be bored, and the last thing you want to be is a woman who cannot live without her man.

3. Make time for family. One thing that I've noticed is that many females in my family who have boyfriends rarely see their family. Of course as you get older you have a life outside of your relatives, but make sure you keep in touch. If by any chance you break up with your man in the future, nothing is more therapeutic then a day with your girlfriends, and spending time with your family. They love you unconditionally and fortunately for you... they're stuck with ya. So make time for your family, go see your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters and brothers. Don't forget the people who matter most.

4. Meditate. It sounds crazy, but enjoying peaceful time alone with no interactions can truly help to clear your mind. Use this time to listen to soft music and relax. If you're a Christian, use this time to focus on God, read his word and pray. Take time for you and only you. It's your day off from the world. Enjoy it.

5. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. This is one thing that I struggle with. If you're on Twitter or Facebook, and reading other people's statuses, you can begin to envy them and wish you were out and about on town, with your significant other, on vacation, etc. If you find that you always want to do what everyone else is doing, check your Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, etc. less. Instead focus on what YOU are doing.

6.Give him some space! This one is basic. Don't question him, you're not his parent. If he's hanging out with friends, let him call you back when he has time. If he doesn't call you back (when you want) do something else. Occupy your time with activities, work, etc. Don't wait on a call, let the man be.

7. Encourage him. If you are not telling your man how great he is, someone else will.

When he's down, you want to be the person that he calls and talks to. Whether he's happy or sad, he needs to know that you believe in him. Understand that when he's acting differently, it's not always because he's around someone, cheating, or any other thing our emotional selves come up with on a whim. Always ask if everything is okay, and give him time to speak. Remember: If he doesn't call you and you already know he's not feeling his best, text him and let him know you care, but don't harass him. He needs comfort, not you constantly speed dialing his phone. Don't complain when he doesn't have time to speak with you because he's working or searching for a job. You'll only sound selfish and stupid. Let him be and give him space.


Seven is the number of completion so I'll end here. I ended with encourage him because you're in a relationship, I'm not going to give you a list filled with only things to do outside of that relationship. In order to improve your relationship you need to find time for yourself, but also keep your man happy.

God bless all of those in the relationship world (and no one else... jk) and good luck :-)
_Coco Elle_

Stage 5 Clingers

My title comes from the infamous Pauly D and Daniella episode of The Jersey Shore. Who knew a guido with ten pounds of hair gel could attract so much attention? I guess when your Pauly D things just tend to work out that way.

A Stage 5 Clinger is more that just a creep who doesnt know when to take no for an answer. This clinger is the type who doesnt know how to take complete avoidance as an answer. Let me paint a picture:

Its a warm summer night and I'm out with my main girls, you know a typical Saturday in the 'burbs. Everythings going cool when I meet a tall dark and handsome 21 year old guy who by his smooth skin and long legs was just enough to catch my eye. I guess I caught his as well because next thing you know we're walking hand and hand through the massive crowd flirting nonstop. By the end of our time together we have already exchanged numbers but the night appears far from over. As me and the girls part ways from Mr. Handsome and make way to another house I've already gotten the first text or digital sign of interest. As the night turns into morning I have been asked by Mr Handsome at least four times when I will be reaching home which gives me the impression I have been put on a curfew somewhere in his head.

After getting in the next morning at 6 am my body is in dire need of sleep but believe it or not Handsome has already begun texting me a few hours in and called me back to back. By Monday afternoon I have recieved enough contact from Handsome (or should I rename him Mr Persistant) that I have grown not only unattracted but more like completely sceeved out. This is what I can call a Stage 5 Clinger.

If a girl does not respond to the first nine texts and three calls I'm pretty sure shes not interested no matter how cute you are. Give the woman her space because a needy guy is everybodys pet peeve.

...LL

Lets Keep it Simple

Since all of my fellow UH bloggers have posted on the topic of men vs women or rather the battle of the ages, I figured I should grace our page with some thoughts of my own. I would have to agree with both Coco and Aaron not saying either is completely correct, Id rather stick in the gray area. It may be more fun to pretend you don’t understand us guys, just remember your life will remain complicated the more you keep your heads stuck in the clouds.

• 1. I would have to agree with Aaron when he says there is no need for a female to attempt to control her man. First of all this takes up way too much energy from our part ladies and it verges on the crazy girlfriend stereotype. Although not all women take on this paranoid role in the relationship there are many that sadly do. But lets not forget how overprotective men can be as well. I’m pretty sure we’ve all heard stories from friends telling us how jealous their partners are that they cant throw on a low cut shirt without having an argument. When it comes to the cheating, lets keep it simple; if you think your significant other is up to no good then some things need to be reconsidered. A relationship is worth nothing without trust, point blank.
  


• 2. Men aren’t known for being the best of listeners lets face it, our dogs probably pay more attention to our stories. This doesn’t mean you guys shouldn’t try to keep up with our days. Yes us woman can have a lot to say, sometimes even about the most insignificant of topics but it doesn’t mean its not important. This is our way of becoming closer to you and turning a boyfriend into a best friend (it doesn’t mean we just love to bore you to death). So lets try to compromise, guys try to keep a bit and ladies give them that chance to catch up.


• 3. Sex. The topic alone can either make you shrug in your seat or make your eyes wide with excitement. Either way, woman or man, everyone becomes interested. Females must remember that although you carry the power to give your man sex if and when you choose, try to not abuse this power. Men have a short attention span as it is and teasing can only be so fulfilling for so long. And guys you cant expect sex when you aren’t doing much of anything in other parts of the relationship. Your girl wants to give you the world but you have to give her something in return. So ladies try to get in touch with your sexual side sometimes because lets face it, you will enjoy it as much as he will. The everyday woman has a sexy side so let it out and please him. Well only if he is pleasing you that is.


• 4. Okay this one is simpler. Guys should be allowed to enjoy their sports from time to time. As Aaron said a girl can either join her man or not. Give your guys their space to play with the boys because you know if hes a keeper he’ll always come back to play with you later. If you take time to watch the game with him he’ll know your down for anything and that girlfriend is always the best one to be around.
  
  
• 5. Anyone who knows me knows that I love laughing. I could do it for a living if I had the choice but the thing is there is a time and place for everything. Women shouldn’t take themselves too serious because its pointless to walk around wasting the day being mad at a guy who is most likely in the best of moods. This goes for anything come to think of it. Why should you stay at home crying when your guy is probably out having drinks or playing hoops with the boys. Don’t waste time being angry because no matter how bad your guy has messed up, he isn’t using his energy on you. And you guys have to realize that not every situation can be brushed off, there are times when you should address the issue and not just shrug and walk out the door. That helps absolutely nothing.
  

Yes Coco Elle in the end ALL men are idiots. We cant live with them and we cant live without them….they don’t have to know that of course. Put on the game face and keep it simple because the games can wear you out.

LL....

5 Simple Rules

Ok ladies, it's my turn. An earlier post by my good friend Coco Elle listed a whole bunch of reasons why men can't understand women and blah, blah, blah. Truth is, we can understand you ladies - at least for the most part - it's just way more fun to act like we can't.

Like you always say, "men are simple creatures and women are complicated," and for the most part, that is true. We can have our own complex set of rules, but we mostly all follow the same simple laws:

1. When I'm with my friends or out in public, that's all I'm doing. There's no need to call me every hour on the hour, trying to control/check up on me. If you think I'm cheating, then I probably am so you might as well let me go; however, deep down, most women know their men aren't cheating, they just don't trust their own intuition.

2. Talk slowly and clearly so that we can hear you. I hate when women talk your ears off at 1200 words per second and then expect you to remember what they said on page 3, paragraph 5 sentence 12 of their life story.

3. Men are sexual beings. You know that. We know that; however, what most of you don't know is that we are fully aware of how much you like it as well. Real men manipulate more than women by letting stereotypes take the lead. Really, we could care less about who has the final say on the subject of sex, we just know that we will get it from somewhere so you're better off letting it be you.

4. When we're watching the game alone, come join; if we're watching with friends, make snacks or go do your own thing. Watching sports is something guys do as a part of nature, just like you women like to shop or have movie night, etc. We never want to do that alone, so if we're sitting there, it wouldn't hurt to grab some chips and salsa, and come take a seat. We'll respect you a lot more for trying to share the time with us and it might help you get your way down the road. However, if we are already with friends, please find another thing to do. We don't like having to choose between you and friends, and you might not like the answer, so you might just want to save yourself the time and do something else.

5. Laughter is the key to happiness. The only reason why women are so sensitive is because most of you take yourselves too seriously or have a low self esteem. Men laugh at their own expense, we tell rude and vicious jokes and like to maintain our composure while we do it.

In closing, I really did the list of 5 to humor you women out there who are obsessed with lists and rules. But, honestly, that's the problem; you worry way too much. When we're out, when we watch the game and don't talk to you, when we don't wanna watch The Notebook for the 4th time in a row, when we don't kiss you goodnight, etc. Don't take things like that personal, I'm not saying don't care about anything; I'm just saying don't worry about everything. It's just not healthy.

By Aaron Hilton
follow me on twitter @Way_2_Tall401

In Relationships... Men Are Idiots

"Why are you so emotional," he asks as I breathe deeply, trying to keep him from hearing me cry. What I'd love to reply is: "Why are you so stupid," and quickly hang up the phone, but instead I stay on the line and continue to pull myself together as he insists that I was wrong (as always) and he is right.

There are five things that men need to understand:

1. Women are emotional creatures.
2. For some odd reason, women play games. We can't help ourselves. We can be mad at you and we won't tell you. Instead we'll try to give you signs, answer questions with short answers, hang up the phone without saying 'goodbye,' etc.
3. You can't understand us completely, mostly because you are simple, and we are complicated.
4. As my boyfriend says: "We are on two different brain waves." Translation: We don't think the same.
5. There are up to five days a month where if you piss us off, we are bound to either breakdown, throw a fit, run away, ignore you, etc, and we are justified. Who cares if we are wrong, who cares if you "didn't mean it that way." We are justified for being a bitch because it is God's fault... wait... I was wrong. It is Adam and Eve's fault. That darn mango!

You may read these tips, but you still won't understand your partner... why? Because that's the way it is. Why do I say that all men are idiots? Because it's true.

Okay... so I'm being kind of mean (after a tough few weeks in my relationship world.)

So there are also several things about men that women don't understand, such as:
1." After being with me for this long, why do you still not understand me?"
2. "Why is it so hard for you to understand what I want?"
3. "Why every time we go out to eat do you sit facing the television? Oh the Heat game? Guess what I don't care."

The list goes on and on, but at the end of the day... the fact still stands: Men are idiots.

Coco Elle


<<<< Can I edit the "I married" out and replace it with "I'm dating?" JK. I love my boyfriend.

(Relationship) Status Isnt Everything

One of the scariest words in the English dictionary: Commitment.

I am probably one of the worst people to write about this topic but it eventually has to come to the surface so I figured I’d address it now. It seriously seems like every person I know is either in a relationship or dying to be in one. Unfortunately I cannot relate to either, so if you are one of these you’re a step ahead of me.

Relationships contrary to what some have been told aren’t for everyone. Just because you have reached a certain age and everyone around you is coupled up doesn’t mean you’re ready to be in an exclusive relationship. Commitment is more than just a promise because if it is real, it can never be broken. A relationship always deserves the type of dedication given to a friendship, family, or career. Although commitment cannot be compared to either of these things, they all deserve the same amount of work in order to truly work.

Being ready is the first part of making the promise to be with a significant other. This shouldn’t involve the fear of being alone, wanting to have a steady sex life, or even pressure from the people around you. You are the only person who can decide whether the relationship can be taken to another level. If you find that the person you are seeing is worth the risk of being heartbroken over or worth putting effort into then perhaps a relationship is something to consider. I for example am not ready to be someone’s girlfriend, which is why I may not be one for many years to come. This has nothing to do with my exes but more of a personal choice. Well not a choice exactly since just thinking about being in a relationship makes me cringe (and itch).

Either way I’ll be living the good and single life for a while or at least until Travis McCoy finally notices I’m alive. ;-)

...LL